May 31, 2025, 3:29 pm | Read time: 9 minutes

No other sound has such a penetrating effect. Not the roar of a departing airplane nor loud barking dogs. When a baby cries, we are instantly alerted. Nature has designed it this way: Baby cries have a unique acoustic pattern that immediately grabs our attention. After all, babies simply have no other way to communicate. But what should you do when a baby cries? FITBOOK consulted two experts for advice.

Why Babies Cry

First of all, crying is a normal way for babies to communicate. They can’t speak yet to tell us something. Pediatrician Dr. Burkhard Rodeck emphasizes: “All babies cry when they feel uncomfortable, want something, or don’t want something. That means crying in babies is completely normal and logical. It shows: I need something—now.”

What Studies Say

According to studies, babies cry very often, loudly, and for long periods, especially in the first three months of life.² Sometimes, the problem is quickly identifiable: hunger, wet diaper, stomachache, fever. But there are also situations where everything seems fine—and the baby still cries. Many babies become inexplicably restless in the evening, and the child starts crying. Child psychiatrist Prof. Eva Möhler knows this can have two main causes: “The children are usually either overtired or overstimulated. If they are overstimulated, you have to consider–they can’t just take a walk around the block like we can. They only have the option to cry to release tension.” Parents may interpret evening crying as rejection or fear they’ve done something wrong. “But that’s not the case. Crying doesn’t mean the children don’t like their parents. It’s simply their way to vent when they need to release tension,” explains Prof. Möhler.

Even when the so-called “Wessel criteria” are met, the children are usually fine. “That means crying three hours a day, three days a week, and for more than three weeks,” explains Dr. Rodeck. “Then you would call it a crying baby.” The reasons why some children are “crying babies” are not fully understood—genetic predisposition, temperament, and neurobiological maturity play a role. Studies have also shown that there are risk factors on the parents’ side, such as high stress levels or smoking during pregnancy.³

Crying Is Not a Disease, but a Regulation Difficulty

Dr. Rodeck doesn’t refer to it as a disorder: “Crying babies can’t quite adequately handle what’s coming at them and express themselves through crying.” It was previously thought that crying was caused by stomach pain, but that’s outdated. The stomach pain is more a result of crying: “They often swallow a lot of air, get a tense belly, and then cry even more. But it’s not a disorder, it’s a regulation difficulty,” explains Dr. Rodeck. Most crying babies are healthy and don’t have more allergies or illnesses later than other children, according to the German Society for Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine.⁴

Prof. Möhler also points out: “We mustn’t forget that crying a lot used to have an evolutionary advantage: If you cried a lot, you weren’t forgotten, you were noticed! So it’s not just a negative sign when children cry a lot.” According to “Kinderärzte im Netz,” about 16 percent of all babies up to three months are crying babies.⁵

What Not to Do When Babies Cry

A child that cries seemingly without reason means maximum stress for parents. But no matter how desperate you are—there are boundaries that must never be crossed: Shaking is life-threatening! “It causes the brain to hit the skull cap at the front and back. This can trigger brain hemorrhages and swelling, lead to massive consequences, even death,” warns Prof. Möhler. Rough handling or hitting is also taboo. Such behavior is mainly an expression of exhaustion and helplessness on the parents’ side, the doctor knows, but “when a child cries, it’s not an accusation against the parents.” The Federal Center for Health Education (BZgA) advises: If you reach your limit, place the child in a safe bed, leave the room, take a deep breath—and seek support if necessary, such as the parent hotline, a psychological counseling center, or parent schools at birth clinics.⁶

First Aid: Closeness and Safety

When the baby starts crying, Prof. Möhler advises checking “the basics” first: “Hungry? Diaper full? Is something hurting the bottom?”—these are the most common causes. But if the child is fed and clean and still cries? Dr. Rodeck advises: “First, it’s very important to stay calm and composed. If you jump around the child as an excited mom or nervous dad, you only make things worse because the child senses it.” And then?

Until a few years ago, science believed that long, loud crying was mainly due to harmless digestive problems and would resolve itself after three months without intervention. Loving attention during this crying phase might “spoil” the child and encourage more crying. But this has been scientifically disproven. In fact, babies quickly learn through such treatment that they are powerless and ignored, and their needs for closeness, security, and attention are not met: “Learned helplessness” is what it’s called.⁷

It has been shown: A well-cared-for crying baby is better for later emotional development.⁸ Carrying, rocking, singing—all these can help calm the child. Physical contact has a relaxing effect on the baby’s autonomic nervous system. Breastfeeding, even outside regular meals, can help—as can sucking on a pacifier. Sensitive reactions foster basic trust and help babies stabilize emotionally. It’s also important to calm the environment. “A child that is overstimulated should not be further stimulated,” says Möhler. She warns against so-called pseudo-stability: Some babies briefly calm down with new stimuli but then cry even more.

Helpful Strategies When the Baby Cries

According to the German Society for Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, there are various ways to gently calm a crying child:

• A stroller ride, a warm bath, gentle rocking in a cradle, a relaxing foot or belly massage
• Offer a pacifier
• Adjust feeding, such as letting the baby burp more often during drinking.
• For breastfeeding mothers: A change in diet usually brings little. A dietary supplement with the probiotic Lactobacillus reuteri may help—but only after consulting with the pediatrician.
• For bottle feeding: A change in food can also help, but only in consultation with the pediatrician.
• Do not administer medication! There are no effective medications for severe crying—some remedies even have potentially serious side effects.
• Ensure a smoke-free environment—even occasional passive smoking can severely burden the baby.
• Convey calm and security to the child, such as through calm speaking, physical contact, and a low-stimulation environment (darkened, quiet)

Prof. Möhler also advises examining the family’s daily routine, such as wake, sleep, and feeding times. “You could check if the child’s wake times are perhaps too long: If you know your child usually sleeps again after three hours or likes to take a nap, then you should respect that. Because missed naps usually result in a big crying session.” She also recommends incorporating low-stimulation times, like walks or relaxing in a darkened room. This helps children and parents maintain calm, build trust, and manage energy.

When Crying Becomes a Constant Strain

A crying baby demands a lot from parents. But for some, it’s a particular challenge: “We see many parents for whom crying is problematic because they have experienced situations in their own biography where there was a lot of crying. And then they may find it very difficult to endure a child’s crying,” explains Prof. Möhler. Therefore, it’s very important that parents don’t lose touch with themselves. “They should always ask themselves: ‘How am I doing right now?'” She compares the situation to an emergency on a plane: “You first put on your own oxygen mask, then help others. A stressed, internally agitated person cannot calm an overstimulated child.”

Parents Under Pressure: When Crying Becomes a Burden

Due to the stress of crying, many mothers and fathers also fall into a vicious cycle of self-doubt, sleep deprivation, and overwhelm, Dr. Rodeck knows. Then the situation can become critical: “If I feel like I could put the baby in the washing machine, it’s time to leave the room.” Prof. Möhler also advises: “It’s perfectly okay to leave the room for a moment, take a deep breath, and do something good for yourself, and then return to the child.” The child may just need a few moments to vent. “This reinterpretation of the situation, that the child is not blaming you, that no aggression is coming from the child, is very important to better cope with it.”

This also helps to calm the situation overall, Dr. Rodeck adds, because too many help strategies at once can be perceived as intrusive by the child: “So don’t rush in and pick up, carry around, then this and that, and everything only for three seconds, and if the child still cries, the next—but go calmly, communicate, speak, look, touch, so the child feels it’s in a safe environment. And if the child can’t handle it, then also step away from the child.” Therefore, it’s also important that both parents alternate and support each other to manage the situation well.

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Counseling Services and Crying Clinics

If the stress becomes too great: There are self-help groups where affected parents can exchange ideas, and also so-called “crying clinics.” “There, the situation is analyzed, and individual advice is given on how to deal with it,” explains Dr. Rodeck. In most cases, the child is completely healthy—and it’s primarily about educating, calming, and giving parents confidence in handling their child. These are small “behavioral therapeutic measures, which can be very effective,” he emphasizes. The addresses of local crying clinics can be found on the websites of the “National Center for Early Help” initiative.

Parents should take advantage of these aids as early as possible, advises Prof. Möhler: “Otherwise, the feeling arises, ‘I am helpless against my child, I am at the mercy, I am powerless.’ This can lead to depression, and the relationship between parents often suffers.” Crying clinics, psychological counseling centers, and self-help groups can help regain more confidence in oneself and one’s abilities: “The fundamental belief ‘We can be good parents!’ is very important because parenting lasts many years. And this self-confidence is crucial for the relationship between parents and children.”