August 31, 2026, 6:06 pm | Read time: 9 minutes
Sitting still during meals? Doesn’t last two minutes. Favorite game? Played repeatedly for days. Tantrums over small things? A daily occurrence. And while other kids are playing outside, yours prefers to retreat and engage in solitary activities—perhaps with train schedules or astrophysics. Such behaviors can make parents wonder: Is this still normal childhood behavior, or could my child be neurodivergent? FITBOOK spoke with two child and adolescent psychiatrists about what parents should really pay attention to, what signs might indicate neurodivergence, and why not every peculiarity warrants a diagnosis.
What Does Neurodivergence Actually Mean?
Literally, the word “neurodivergence” combines the ancient Greek “neuron” (nerve, brain) and the Latin verb “divergere” (to diverge, deviate). It refers to people whose perception, thinking, or behavior deviates from what is considered “neurotypical.” Neurotypical describes people whose neurological development is viewed as “normal.” People with ADHD, autism, or Tourette syndrome are often grouped under the term “neurodivergent.” “Neurodiversity,” on the other hand, is an umbrella term describing the diversity of human brains and their functions.
However, “Neurodiversity and neurodivergence are not medical diagnostic terms,” emphasizes Prof. Dr. Eva Möhler, director of the Clinic for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Psychosomatics, and Psychotherapy at the Saarland University Hospital. The terms originate from a social movement. The idea behind it is quite helpful: to assess people not only by their difficulties but also by focusing more on their abilities and peculiarities. Because with ADHD or autism, as Prof. Möhler notes, there can be special strengths—such as creativity and enthusiasm with ADHD or precision and reliability with autism.
Why the Term Cannot Replace a Diagnosis
A scientific review from 20251, which evaluated 46 research studies, shows that what exactly is understood by neurodivergence is not uniformly defined scientifically. Prof. Dr. Michael Kölch, president of the German Society for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Psychosomatics, and Psychotherapy (DGKJP), views the term critically in childhood. Neurodiversity is “not a technical term in child and adolescent psychiatry.” Above all, he believes the term should not replace a medical diagnosis.
Because this is also part of the overall picture: A child with ADHD or autism can have special strengths and at the same time suffer significantly from certain difficulties. Both can coexist. This is also reflected in the results of a study in the journal “Developmental Psychology”2: Many respondents viewed autism as part of their identity, but also recognized the associated impairments.
How Parents Can Recognize Possible Signs
Whether a child is neurodivergent cannot be determined by occasional tantrums, pursuing an unusual hobby, or fidgeting at the dinner table. More important for assessment is the overall picture, says Prof. Möhler. Key initial questions are: How long has the child been behaving this way, and how pronounced is the behavior? Has the constant fidgeting during meals been ongoing for weeks, or does it only occur in certain situations? Does a tantrum happen once a week—or every 15 minutes? Such observations can provide initial clues.
The next step is to take a closer look at what characterizes the behavior. Very strong and persistent impulsivity, major concentration problems, and pronounced motor restlessness can be indicators of ADHD. Prof. Möhler describes children who can hardly ever wait, have great difficulty concentrating, and can barely sit still. In autism, significant difficulties in social interaction may appear, such as major problems understanding others’ signals and interpreting their emotions. There may also be very intense, restricted interests or frequently repeated behaviors. In Tourette syndrome, motor and vocal tics are noticeable, such as recurring movements or sounds.
The Key Is How the Child Feels About It
But: Individual traits like these can also be found in completely healthy children. A study3 shows that autistic traits in this analysis were not simply “present” or “absent” within families but varied in intensity. An example of this fluid boundary, according to Prof. Möhler, is when children want to read the same book or play the same game repeatedly. “All children love and need rituals,” she says. “They provide security in a world where much is still new and unpredictable.” Repetitions are also a form of self-soothing for children. A better point of reference is not the question “Is this behavior unusual?” but rather: “How does my child feel about it?”
For family life, this means: A child can exhibit certain traits known from autism without being autistic. Prof. Kölch advises parents to not only focus on behavior at home but also to stay in touch with daycare or school to see how the child is doing there.
The Key Is Not the Behavior, but the Distress
Before parents ponder neurodivergence, they should ask a different, much more central question, according to Prof. Möhler: less “Is this behavior unusual?” and more “How does my child feel about it?” Is the child generally happy? Can they attend daycare or school and find their place there? Does family life function reasonably well? If so, unusual behavior does not automatically require treatment.
Prof. Kölch also emphasizes: “As long as a child is not suffering from their behavior and is not impaired in daily life, not every peculiarity is automatically pathological.”
Moreover, sometimes there is a much more mundane reason behind noticeable behavior. A tired, hungry, or overwhelmed child can become impulsive, scream, or hit. Pain or physical illness can also change behavior. Prof. Möhler provides a vivid example from practice: Parents reported their child “doesn’t listen at all.” A look in the ear revealed an ear infection was the cause.
Screen Time Can Also Influence Behavior
Prof. Möhler advises parents to also consider media use when dealing with restlessness and concentration problems. A lot of screen time can affect sleep, movement, attention, and family life. However, it’s important not to confuse cause and correlation. Especially regarding autism, the internet often claims that excessive screen time can “cause” autistic behavior. There is no convincing evidence for this according to current research. A large review analyzed 46 studies with over 562,000 participants: No stable connection was found.4
So, a lot of screen time doesn’t simply make a child autistic. Still, it can be wise to monitor media time, especially if sleep, movement, or playtime is being compromised.
Also interesting: How Paris Hilton Manages Her ADHD in Daily Life
ADHD in Children: How to Recognize Symptoms Early
What Is Asperger’s Syndrome?
When Should Parents Seek Help?
There is no fixed rule like: Three tantrums a week are normal, four are not. Prof. Kölch advises parents to first observe carefully and see how a behavior develops over time. Does it improve on its own? Does it only occur in certain situations? Is there a specific trigger?
However, observing should not turn into years of waiting. Prof. Kölch states clearly: “The problem in practice is often not that something wasn’t recognized, but that it was observed for too long.” If difficulties intensify, persist over time, or significantly restrict the child in daily life, parents should seek professional advice. A good first point of contact is usually the pediatrician. Depending on the issue, a social pediatric center, a child and adolescent psychiatric practice, or a psychotherapeutic practice may be the right contacts.
In some situations, parents should not wait. Prof. Möhler mentions children who can no longer attend school due to their problems, refuse to eat or drink, or talk about not wanting to live anymore. In such warning signs, a child needs professional support quickly. If there is an acute risk of self-harm or harm to others, seek help immediately, in an emergency via 911.
Seeking support early does not mean hastily labeling a child with a diagnosis. Rather, it’s about understanding why certain situations are so difficult and what can specifically help the child. Parents can also make a significant impact. A study on behavior-oriented parent training for ADHD5 shows that positive effects were sometimes noticeable months after the training—affecting children’s behavior, parenting behavior, and the parent-child relationship.
Understanding Behavior as an Expression of a Need
What can help parents in everyday life sounds surprisingly simple: not automatically interpreting noticeable behavior as malicious intent, says Prof. Möhler. The child throws themselves on the floor in the supermarket, refuses to put on shoes, or yells at the parents. Of course, this can be infuriating. Still, Prof. Möhler recommends starting from a different mental point. Parents could try to understand the behavior as an expression of a need. Maybe the child is exhausted, maybe the situation is too loud, maybe they are scared or can’t express their frustration any other way. The guiding question should not be “Why are you doing this?” but rather: “What do you need?”
This doesn’t mean parents should accept every behavior or forgo boundaries. However, it makes a difference whether one sees a tantrum as a sign of a “bad child” or a child who can’t handle the situation better at that moment. According to Prof. Möhler, things that generally benefit all children are helpful. These include reliable relationships, clear structures, enough sleep and exercise, shared meals, and a daily routine that offers a certain level of security.
Sometimes it’s also worth parents asking whether their expectations truly fit the child, suggests Prof. Möhler. A quiet, introverted child who is content playing with Lego for hours doesn’t need to become the entertainer of the entire play street. And that’s just because the parents themselves have a large circle of friends and find it hard to imagine that a quiet child can be just as happy and content. Of course, parents should encourage their child to try new things and develop further. But it’s crucial to acknowledge different needs and convey the message to the child: “You are good as you are.”